I’ve been thinking lately about friendship and what makes it so powerful. Friendship is a unique bond, somewhat hard to describe in academic terms or even to contain with words, but in it we find peace, rest and comfort.
For me, a prerequisite for mature and authentic friendships is getting beyond our narcissism enough to value and respect people – respecting their right to make choices for themselves, even if those choices hurt us.
Another prerequisite is to accept your friends for who they are. I believe that when friendships last very long, it is because both the people involved change together in a compatible fashion. Sometimes this is not so, and you must just let things happen. Even if it means letting go of your friendship.
I offer my friendship with KP (of whom I spoke on this blog before) as an example. I met KP in 2004 by telephone. I was in the process of selecting a University at which to pursue my Bachelor’s Degree, and while investigating a particular University, I met KP who was in their employ at the time. For approximately eight months, we spoke by phone, and developed a bond that to this day, approximately 5 years later, I am unable to explain. I walked into my class on the first day of my BPM Programme, aware that KP would be in my cohort, but unable to identify her by face. Half an hour into the class, while making our introductions, a reserved, young lady with obvious emotional maturity stood and identified herself as “K.P”. Immediately on doing that, she glanced at me, smiled and nodded, acknowledging that “yes; this is the person with whom you have been speaking for almost a year”.
Our friendship has grown tremendously since then and we have once again found ourselves doing our MBA together. Actually, it was planned, but I digress…
The beauty of the friendship I share with KP, is this – we never impose feelings of guilt upon one another. We make no demands of each other. We are not obligated to each other, and we understand each other. We are unconditionally honest with each other, feeling free to say, “I think you could have handled that differently”. We trust one another. We respect one another. And we emotionally grow together. If we do not speak in two weeks, when we do speak, we spend the majority of the time catching up – not “Lawks! Ah so my fren’ dem treat mi?” We greet each other with genuine warmth. There are no accusations of one “using” the other because the time we usually spend speaking with each other has diminished. There is no dependence on this relationship for each of us to function.
KP and I understand that change is inevitable. We change with things, instead of trying to change things, and we value our friendship enough to make it work. This is a friendship I am committed to. A mature and authentic friendship and a friendship I will fight tooth and nail to preserve.
For me, a prerequisite for mature and authentic friendships is getting beyond our narcissism enough to value and respect people – respecting their right to make choices for themselves, even if those choices hurt us.
Another prerequisite is to accept your friends for who they are. I believe that when friendships last very long, it is because both the people involved change together in a compatible fashion. Sometimes this is not so, and you must just let things happen. Even if it means letting go of your friendship.
I offer my friendship with KP (of whom I spoke on this blog before) as an example. I met KP in 2004 by telephone. I was in the process of selecting a University at which to pursue my Bachelor’s Degree, and while investigating a particular University, I met KP who was in their employ at the time. For approximately eight months, we spoke by phone, and developed a bond that to this day, approximately 5 years later, I am unable to explain. I walked into my class on the first day of my BPM Programme, aware that KP would be in my cohort, but unable to identify her by face. Half an hour into the class, while making our introductions, a reserved, young lady with obvious emotional maturity stood and identified herself as “K.P”. Immediately on doing that, she glanced at me, smiled and nodded, acknowledging that “yes; this is the person with whom you have been speaking for almost a year”.
Our friendship has grown tremendously since then and we have once again found ourselves doing our MBA together. Actually, it was planned, but I digress…
The beauty of the friendship I share with KP, is this – we never impose feelings of guilt upon one another. We make no demands of each other. We are not obligated to each other, and we understand each other. We are unconditionally honest with each other, feeling free to say, “I think you could have handled that differently”. We trust one another. We respect one another. And we emotionally grow together. If we do not speak in two weeks, when we do speak, we spend the majority of the time catching up – not “Lawks! Ah so my fren’ dem treat mi?” We greet each other with genuine warmth. There are no accusations of one “using” the other because the time we usually spend speaking with each other has diminished. There is no dependence on this relationship for each of us to function.
KP and I understand that change is inevitable. We change with things, instead of trying to change things, and we value our friendship enough to make it work. This is a friendship I am committed to. A mature and authentic friendship and a friendship I will fight tooth and nail to preserve.
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