One of the things I struggle with is the act of letting go. Most recently I held on to an issue I was faced with – held on for dear life, held on like there was no tomorrow, held on to it like it was the air I breathed, my bread and butter. After working myself up to a frenzy, this energy and effort ultimately manifested in physical illness.
While trying to nurse myself back to health, I realised that the more I held on to this issue, the more ill I became.
Letting go is the natural release which follows the realization that holding on is an energy drain - and quite frankly, it really hurts – physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Not only that, but dependent on the issue, it may lead you to a state where you view yourself as a victim.
I spent the latter part of my day activating the ‘feel better’ controls. No ladies - not chocolate or ice-cream. I had a good cry. Not what my mother would call “the cow bawling”, nor the kicking and screaming as I was known to do as a child when I wanted my own way. I simply took a moment of solitude and had a healthy cry.
And just like that…I released it.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
"Anyway"
At my Graduation Ceremony last month, our guest speaker (unfortunately her name escapes me right now), read a poem entitled “Anyway” by an unknown author.
The poem resonated with me and I'm sure with many people in the audience. There are various versions to this poem, but I have chosen this particular one, to share with you today, with the hopes that the poem will inspire you.
"Anyway "
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Love them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some genuine enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you; Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years building, could be destroyed overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them... anyway.
The poem resonated with me and I'm sure with many people in the audience. There are various versions to this poem, but I have chosen this particular one, to share with you today, with the hopes that the poem will inspire you.
"Anyway "
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Love them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some genuine enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you; Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years building, could be destroyed overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them... anyway.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Mature and Authentic Friendships
I’ve been thinking lately about friendship and what makes it so powerful. Friendship is a unique bond, somewhat hard to describe in academic terms or even to contain with words, but in it we find peace, rest and comfort.
For me, a prerequisite for mature and authentic friendships is getting beyond our narcissism enough to value and respect people – respecting their right to make choices for themselves, even if those choices hurt us.
Another prerequisite is to accept your friends for who they are. I believe that when friendships last very long, it is because both the people involved change together in a compatible fashion. Sometimes this is not so, and you must just let things happen. Even if it means letting go of your friendship.
I offer my friendship with KP (of whom I spoke on this blog before) as an example. I met KP in 2004 by telephone. I was in the process of selecting a University at which to pursue my Bachelor’s Degree, and while investigating a particular University, I met KP who was in their employ at the time. For approximately eight months, we spoke by phone, and developed a bond that to this day, approximately 5 years later, I am unable to explain. I walked into my class on the first day of my BPM Programme, aware that KP would be in my cohort, but unable to identify her by face. Half an hour into the class, while making our introductions, a reserved, young lady with obvious emotional maturity stood and identified herself as “K.P”. Immediately on doing that, she glanced at me, smiled and nodded, acknowledging that “yes; this is the person with whom you have been speaking for almost a year”.
Our friendship has grown tremendously since then and we have once again found ourselves doing our MBA together. Actually, it was planned, but I digress…
The beauty of the friendship I share with KP, is this – we never impose feelings of guilt upon one another. We make no demands of each other. We are not obligated to each other, and we understand each other. We are unconditionally honest with each other, feeling free to say, “I think you could have handled that differently”. We trust one another. We respect one another. And we emotionally grow together. If we do not speak in two weeks, when we do speak, we spend the majority of the time catching up – not “Lawks! Ah so my fren’ dem treat mi?” We greet each other with genuine warmth. There are no accusations of one “using” the other because the time we usually spend speaking with each other has diminished. There is no dependence on this relationship for each of us to function.
KP and I understand that change is inevitable. We change with things, instead of trying to change things, and we value our friendship enough to make it work. This is a friendship I am committed to. A mature and authentic friendship and a friendship I will fight tooth and nail to preserve.
For me, a prerequisite for mature and authentic friendships is getting beyond our narcissism enough to value and respect people – respecting their right to make choices for themselves, even if those choices hurt us.
Another prerequisite is to accept your friends for who they are. I believe that when friendships last very long, it is because both the people involved change together in a compatible fashion. Sometimes this is not so, and you must just let things happen. Even if it means letting go of your friendship.
I offer my friendship with KP (of whom I spoke on this blog before) as an example. I met KP in 2004 by telephone. I was in the process of selecting a University at which to pursue my Bachelor’s Degree, and while investigating a particular University, I met KP who was in their employ at the time. For approximately eight months, we spoke by phone, and developed a bond that to this day, approximately 5 years later, I am unable to explain. I walked into my class on the first day of my BPM Programme, aware that KP would be in my cohort, but unable to identify her by face. Half an hour into the class, while making our introductions, a reserved, young lady with obvious emotional maturity stood and identified herself as “K.P”. Immediately on doing that, she glanced at me, smiled and nodded, acknowledging that “yes; this is the person with whom you have been speaking for almost a year”.
Our friendship has grown tremendously since then and we have once again found ourselves doing our MBA together. Actually, it was planned, but I digress…
The beauty of the friendship I share with KP, is this – we never impose feelings of guilt upon one another. We make no demands of each other. We are not obligated to each other, and we understand each other. We are unconditionally honest with each other, feeling free to say, “I think you could have handled that differently”. We trust one another. We respect one another. And we emotionally grow together. If we do not speak in two weeks, when we do speak, we spend the majority of the time catching up – not “Lawks! Ah so my fren’ dem treat mi?” We greet each other with genuine warmth. There are no accusations of one “using” the other because the time we usually spend speaking with each other has diminished. There is no dependence on this relationship for each of us to function.
KP and I understand that change is inevitable. We change with things, instead of trying to change things, and we value our friendship enough to make it work. This is a friendship I am committed to. A mature and authentic friendship and a friendship I will fight tooth and nail to preserve.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Solitude
I am moved by a quote by Dr. Ester Buchholz; “Others inspire us, information feeds us, practice improves our performance, but we need quiet time to figure things out, to emerge with new discoveries, to unearth original answers.”
For me, there is something refreshing about solitude. It enables me to grow in many directions - in self-reliance, in enjoyment of life, and in dealing with life’s difficult situations. It is a way of delving deeper within myself and getting to know myself.
At least twice a year I give myself permission to unplug from the noise and distractions of the world and find time for solitude and silence. My phones are off (or on silent) and I literally retreat from the world and all within it. It is impossible to get a hold of me during this period.
I’ve spent a lot of time analysing the possible reasons why I feel the need to do this – to physically cut myself off from the world for a period of time (which usually ranges from two to four days).
Solitude helps me get over challenging times in my life. Taking the time to work through my feelings alone enables me to deal with my emotions, whether it be grief or otherwise. It gives me permission to validate my feelings without being judged by someone else. Only I know how I feel. So, solitude can help me get back on the right track.
Solitude to me is nurturing – like a refuge in a storm. Disappearing usually helps me, but many people do not understand this and prefer to label this act as ‘selfish’. But solitude feels like a sanctuary of safety, security and stability in an out of control world or situation.
Solitude is also centering – it is a place for getting grounded and it provides the objectivity I need to contend with the competing voices of this disorienting world.
Solitude is also listening. In a world where thousands of voices clamour for my attention, solitude enables me to hear the One that matters most. The voice that offers solace, soothing, peace and comfort.
And so, as Monday morning approaches, I will resurface to join the rest of the world. Content that I nurtured. Content that I centered. Content that I listened. Content with my two days of solitary confinefment. Content with my decisions. And content with being me.
For me, there is something refreshing about solitude. It enables me to grow in many directions - in self-reliance, in enjoyment of life, and in dealing with life’s difficult situations. It is a way of delving deeper within myself and getting to know myself.
At least twice a year I give myself permission to unplug from the noise and distractions of the world and find time for solitude and silence. My phones are off (or on silent) and I literally retreat from the world and all within it. It is impossible to get a hold of me during this period.
I’ve spent a lot of time analysing the possible reasons why I feel the need to do this – to physically cut myself off from the world for a period of time (which usually ranges from two to four days).
Solitude helps me get over challenging times in my life. Taking the time to work through my feelings alone enables me to deal with my emotions, whether it be grief or otherwise. It gives me permission to validate my feelings without being judged by someone else. Only I know how I feel. So, solitude can help me get back on the right track.
Solitude to me is nurturing – like a refuge in a storm. Disappearing usually helps me, but many people do not understand this and prefer to label this act as ‘selfish’. But solitude feels like a sanctuary of safety, security and stability in an out of control world or situation.
Solitude is also centering – it is a place for getting grounded and it provides the objectivity I need to contend with the competing voices of this disorienting world.
Solitude is also listening. In a world where thousands of voices clamour for my attention, solitude enables me to hear the One that matters most. The voice that offers solace, soothing, peace and comfort.
And so, as Monday morning approaches, I will resurface to join the rest of the world. Content that I nurtured. Content that I centered. Content that I listened. Content with my two days of solitary confinefment. Content with my decisions. And content with being me.
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