When circumstances change (Part 1)

What do you do when certain circumstances in your life have changed and your friends are not as supportive as you had hoped? What do you do when you are no longer able to give as much of your time to your friends as you previously did, and they feel that “now that she has…she no longer has time for anybody else”?

I was given a strong dose of reality when a friend of mine today told me frankly, that “it seems as though you have forgotten the people who were there for you when you needed a friend”.

After becoming present to my defenses going up, I paused for a minute and took a few deep breaths. I then heard these words flowing freely from my mouth:

“I have made a choice to divide my time as I choose, and I make no apologies for that. I will not feel guilty because I am happy right now and quite frankly, I deserve to be happy. It’s been a long time coming and I deserve it.”

So, in essence, if I choose to spend seven nights a week after work with a book, or with 'The Golden Girls' on Lifetime, or with Oprah, or with my hubby, instead of indulging 2 hours per week in a pity-party with a girlfriend, then that is my choice, and again, I make no apologies for making that choice.

I am the first to admit that the friends of whom I speak, were front and centre when I threw the very same pity-parties I wish to now avoid. But is it selfish to no longer wish to be the guest of honor at such parties? Quite frankly, I have been undergoing a transformation in the way I see life (now as an opportunity for greatness, rather than one big heaping of problem after problem) and in the way I exist and co-exist with others. But the essence of who I am has not changed. If a friend calls me and is in need, I will be there for that friend and offer the most strength that I can find to support that friend.

But what if the friend feels that she needs a pity-party to help her over her hurdle? What if she demands that? Do I make an exception and indulge? Do I neglect the loving and supportive existence I currently exist in, in order to save or spare that friendship desperately in need of a pity-party?

Over the next few days I will reflect on this situation.

I welcome your thoughts, insights and feedback.

It's my birthday (and I'll cry if I want to)

Ladies, have you ever gone through a period when you become depressed because your age is about to “fall off the calendar”? Do you become defensive because you are adding one more year to your age? Do you wish to crawl back under the covers and pretend that you are not one year older? Do you vow to remain 25 for the rest of your life?

The song, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” made popular by Lesley Gore in 1963, quickly comes to mind. If I’m to sing, it may seem more appropriate to sing, “It’s my birthday, and I’ll cry if I want to”.

But there’ll be no tears here today, for the more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. And so I celebrate this amazing journey of life, I celebrate youth, I celebrate health, I celebrate family and I celebrate friendships. I celebrate the level of maturity that is apparent in me each year and I give thanks that through this blog, this growth can be an inspiration to others.

So, if you’re feeling blue on your birthday, remember birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most, live the longest. And if this statement isn’t strong enough for you, consider this – You’re not forty; you’re eighteen with twenty-two years of experience.

The Magic of Facebook

My very dear friend Carole had been gently urging me to sign up on Facebook since October of last year and last month I reluctantly agreed, vowing never to get too immersed in the Facebook phenomena.

But today I grudgingly confess – I am hooked! I smile each time I get a friend request, and I am given an opportunity to reconnect with friends from high school, primary school, all over the world. It brings me such joy to see photos of my former schoolmates and their families (children, husbands and others). Through their smiles, I can see the joy they are currently living. How wonderful technology is when used with the respect that it is intended to be used.

For me, today is a celebration of friendships.

Here's to Facebook. Here's to friends.

Dawn - "Hot like peppa!"

Today I met the most inspirational woman I have ever had the opportunity to interact with.

Meet Dawn - a fabulous, delightful, beautiful, energetic woman. All 400+ pounds of her. Dawn's spirit just lights up a room. Before meeting her, I had read about her weight management journey online, and as I entered her office, I was greeted by a huge smile and a warm "Hello!" While speaking with her, I felt so honoured to be in her company. I started to complain the day my weight went 1 pound over 140 pounds many years ago, and I haven't stopped complaining since.

"How awful!" I would lament as I stared in the mirror, turning left and right, hoping that I would see better images if I turned a little to the left or a little to the right. I hoped that if the sunlight hit me at the right angle when the planets were perfectly aligned, I would look like a 130 pound goddess. How vain!

Dawn explained how much she loves herself - her body, her mind, her essence. She is so in tune to who she is. Her presence and her aura touched me and I realised that a lot of us ought to take a page from Dawn's book. She makes no apologies for who she is, or how much she loves herself.

I almost keeled over laughing when Dawn described how she is dressed (or more accurately, not dressed) while at home in her own space - appreciating her nakedness, appreciating her beauty. Her affirmations in the morning are, "Girl yuh hot. Yuh hot like peppa!" ("Girl, you are hot. Hot like pepper").

Many persons struggle with self love and self acceptance. No matter who you are or what issues you are struggling with, resolve today that you will no longer underestimate the importance of self-acceptance, as it can end the emotional pain that you feel and will lead to the spiritual experience you want. You become whole; life becomes holistic. You experience oneness. And you no longer compulsively search for oneness in the external world. You love and accept yourself.

So I challenge you - right now - walk to your mirror, stare yourself in the face, and say, "Girl yuh hot. Yuh hot like peppa!"

Losing your cool

I lost my cool today.

I was two minutes away from a knock down, fist down, smack down, drag out, stone-throwing, hair pulling brawl in the parking lot where my office is located. After giving a woman a great serving of a piece of my mind, I stormed back to my office. Upon seeing me seething, hyperventilating, ready to turn green, rip my clothes off and transform into the incredible hulk, my colleagues approached me with concern, fright and trepidation, wondering what had gone wrong since they last saw me two minutes ago.

Between gasps for air, I relayed my story twice (not once – twice), re-iterating that “that woman has a nerve!”

Then something happened that stopped me in my tracks. Marguerite burst out laughing! Her infectious laughter eventually got everyone (including me) laughing. Then it occurred to me – I choose how to react to ANY and EVERY situation that I am faced with. Today I chose an unconscious response – to let that woman have it! Quite frankly it would have been easier for me to laugh at the situation as it unfolded at the time. The effort that it took for me to get so worked up was overwhelming. I actually felt tired after I calmed down.

While I work on living consciously and in the moment, I acknowledge that I selected the wrong response today. I will not beat or chastise myself for my actions today. I just acknowledge that it happened and move on, for as I spend time chastising myself, I will miss a whole other experience that is likely to bring me joy and laughter in the present.

A New Year and (New) Resolutions

A new year brings for most people, reflections on the past year and setting of new expectations or goals.

My New Year's Resolution? To continually explore, tap into and operate from my Higher Self. No doubt, connecting with the higher self takes practice, refinement, dedication, and discipline - all the pre-requisites to accomplishing any of the Resolutions that you may make.

Of course, I've made other resolutions that will definitely stretch me, but this year, for me, it is more than just making new resolutions. It's about really making a commitment and sticking to it, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health (I hope I got the order right - haven't taken those vows yet) all the days of 2009.

Second on the list - to commit to living a healthier life. Third, to continuously nurture my friendships and fourth - to make sound financial decisions. Bear in mind that to achieve your goals this year, you may falter once, twice or many times, but I urge you to dig deep and find the inner strength to get back on that horse, and try again.

I wish for you all the joy the year 2009 has to offer, and the stick-to-it-ivenss it takes to accomplish all your dreams and resolutions - new ones, and the 'brought forwards' from last year.