Letting Go Of Unhealthy Friendships

Strong, healthy friendship enriches your life. It doesn't make you suffer or overburden you. While it's important to treasure your good friends - to make time for them, listen, laugh and cry together - it's just as important to know when it's time to let certain friendships go.

Sometimes, we stay in friendships long past their expiration dates. Today, I was faced with the question of whether a ‘friend’ was really worth my time or investment. To get to the answer, I had to ask myself, “Does this person…:-

· Consistently hurt my feelings?
· Waste my time by not calling when they said they would?
· Offer friendship only at their convenience?
· Express little interest in what’s going on in my life?

After answering these and a host of other questions, I realised it is time to end the relationship. I listened and paid attention to all the things this person didn’t say. This person’s behaviour tells me that the relationship is unsalvageable and it is time to leave the friendship behind.

It isn’t an easy decision to make. In fact, one of the toughest things to do is to close the door on a friendship. But everyone has value and everyone who gives their gift of friendship to another individual deserves to get the same respect in return. If one person is doing all of the giving and the other doing all of the taking, there is no friendship.

Closing the door means no more contact, no more phone calls, and no more thinking about the person. I no longer care about their welfare. I know that I will never see or speak to this person again and whatever friendship I once had will remain only in the past. As time goes by it will become a distant memory until it ceases altogether. It’s like a funeral – I am saying goodbye forever to someone I once cared for. It's really tough. But as much as we hate to bury our loved ones, we know that the funeral is necessary. It is essential for us to say goodbye and begin our own healing process. Most people cry at funerals and for good reasons. They are saying goodbye to a part of their past. They do not grieve for the one who is dead, but for themselves. For all the things left unsaid. For all the promises not kept. And because they will miss them so very much. Hanging on to a friendship that is one sided and hurtful is like hanging onto a corpse. At the very least, it's unhealthy. At a certain point, you have to be able to let go and realize that the friendship is over for good and the door must be shut.

It takes courage to shut the door on a friendship, but it is also a liberating experience. I no longer have the burden of dealing with a friendship that is not there and I no longer have to worry about getting my hopes dashed. It hurts, but it’ll hurt only for a while. Only for a while.