What do you do when certain circumstances in your life have changed and your friends are not as supportive as you had hoped? What do you do when you are no longer able to give as much of your time to your friends as you previously did, and they feel that “now that she has…she no longer has time for anybody else”?
I was given a strong dose of reality when a friend of mine today told me frankly, that “it seems as though you have forgotten the people who were there for you when you needed a friend”.
After becoming present to my defenses going up, I paused for a minute and took a few deep breaths. I then heard these words flowing freely from my mouth:
“I have made a choice to divide my time as I choose, and I make no apologies for that. I will not feel guilty because I am happy right now and quite frankly, I deserve to be happy. It’s been a long time coming and I deserve it.”
So, in essence, if I choose to spend seven nights a week after work with a book, or with 'The Golden Girls' on Lifetime, or with Oprah, or with my hubby, instead of indulging 2 hours per week in a pity-party with a girlfriend, then that is my choice, and again, I make no apologies for making that choice.
I am the first to admit that the friends of whom I speak, were front and centre when I threw the very same pity-parties I wish to now avoid. But is it selfish to no longer wish to be the guest of honor at such parties? Quite frankly, I have been undergoing a transformation in the way I see life (now as an opportunity for greatness, rather than one big heaping of problem after problem) and in the way I exist and co-exist with others. But the essence of who I am has not changed. If a friend calls me and is in need, I will be there for that friend and offer the most strength that I can find to support that friend.
I was given a strong dose of reality when a friend of mine today told me frankly, that “it seems as though you have forgotten the people who were there for you when you needed a friend”.
After becoming present to my defenses going up, I paused for a minute and took a few deep breaths. I then heard these words flowing freely from my mouth:
“I have made a choice to divide my time as I choose, and I make no apologies for that. I will not feel guilty because I am happy right now and quite frankly, I deserve to be happy. It’s been a long time coming and I deserve it.”
So, in essence, if I choose to spend seven nights a week after work with a book, or with 'The Golden Girls' on Lifetime, or with Oprah, or with my hubby, instead of indulging 2 hours per week in a pity-party with a girlfriend, then that is my choice, and again, I make no apologies for making that choice.
I am the first to admit that the friends of whom I speak, were front and centre when I threw the very same pity-parties I wish to now avoid. But is it selfish to no longer wish to be the guest of honor at such parties? Quite frankly, I have been undergoing a transformation in the way I see life (now as an opportunity for greatness, rather than one big heaping of problem after problem) and in the way I exist and co-exist with others. But the essence of who I am has not changed. If a friend calls me and is in need, I will be there for that friend and offer the most strength that I can find to support that friend.
But what if the friend feels that she needs a pity-party to help her over her hurdle? What if she demands that? Do I make an exception and indulge? Do I neglect the loving and supportive existence I currently exist in, in order to save or spare that friendship desperately in need of a pity-party?
Over the next few days I will reflect on this situation.
I welcome your thoughts, insights and feedback.
Over the next few days I will reflect on this situation.
I welcome your thoughts, insights and feedback.
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