I must admit that up to a year ago, I struggled with the act of forgiveness. There's no one definition of forgiveness, but in general, forgiveness is a conscious decision to release resentments and thoughts of revenge. It is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you or your loved one.
Persons may ask, "Doesn't forgiving someone mean you're forgetting or condoning what happened?" My simple response to this is - no. Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life.
Years ago when I struggled with the very thought of forgiving someone who caused me great pain, I attended an enlightenment programme, which caused me to focus on my issues, and give myself the greatest gift I could ever give - Forgiving myself. Once I did that and recognized that my fullest potential was being inhibited by the anger and resentment I felt towards this person, accepting him for who he was and forgiving him for what I felt was his inflicting unspeakable pain against me, gave me the most freeing feeling I have ever experienced.
And so, as a very close friend of mine now struggles with forgiveness, I was brought back to the time I denied myself of the love and peace that I so truly deserved. I had a coaching session with him this morning, and felt his pain. I said a silent word of prayer for him - trusting that he will be released of his anger. I continue to pray for him, with the hope that he will find the strength I know he has, to forgive the person who he feels caused him so much pain.
To him, I reiterate, that forgiveness does not come with conditions. It is an an unconditional act that frees up and puts to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.
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1 comment:
Beautiful post Camille. I once read this quotation, and it changed the way I looked at forgiveness: "Forgiveness is a selfish act that frees you from being controlled by your past". In other words, forgiveness is NEVER about the other person - it is only about yourself and what's good for you. It is sad how many people walk around saying that they cannot forgive so and so, thinking that they are holding the person in bondage, and not realising that it is they who are in bondage. So much changes in our world, and in the entire world when we start to forgive.
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