Stop, Breathe and Relax

The past few months have been extremely difficult for me. Pursuing 2 modules of a Master’s Programme simultaneously, while working and juggling the needs and desires of self, family and friends has taken a serious toll on me mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. So much so, that with three modules left before completing the MBA, I have found myself resolving to put off doing those three modules until next year this time, foregoing graduating with dear friends, foregoing the celebration that would no doubt come upon completion of an intense 19 month course.

Two evenings ago, after a stressful day, I sat in my car and had a good cry. I felt like I was a pot reaching my boiling point – so much to do, so much to accomplish in such little time, so much to understand, so much to deliver. So much.

This morning, I experienced those same feelings again. So much to do, so much to deliver, such little time.

In a frantic state, I e-mailed my lecturer, requesting his telephone number so I could speak with him. He e-mailed me back offering to call me. As I responded to him in another e-mail, I started to express how I was feeling, and as I typed, it occurred to me that I was feeling better by the minute.

I revisited what happened from when I started to type my response to him, to when I started to feel better. The first thing I did was take a break from the research I was conducting and e-mailed him. I stopped.

I stopped feeding the task at hand with frantic energy.

Before responding to him, I took a deep breath and then exhaled. I breathed. An in that breath, in that moment, I relaxed. Then I began my response to him.

Though it has been one hour since I relaxed, I still feel the need to take a complete break from this Programme. Sunday will mark the last day of the current module and I am seriously contemplating deferring until next year November – for my piece of mind, for my sanity, for my health, for me.