Graduation Day

Today is Graduation Day.

A day that my hard work and perseverance (or stick-to-it-iveness) is recognized. A day I am officially recognized as Camille O. Spaulding, MBA.

As I mentioned in previous posts, it was a long and challenging journey. A journey filled with ups and downs. Downs included the loss of a job and subsequent closure of Growth Facilitators where I previously worked. Ups included the birth of my niece and joining a great company, having a wonderful boss, so full of integrity, and an awesome team.

Today is not just Graduation Day. It is also a day that I celebrate and humbly acknowledge the people who contributed so significantly to where I am today and who played a great part in how I actually got here:-

• Marguerite Orane and Robert Wynter, Partners of Growth Facilitators, and the rest of the GF team - Ulla, Sharon, Carole, Elaine and Mr. Smith who were there when this journey began. Sadly, GF is no longer in existence, but each of these people hold a very special place in my heart



• My mom, dad and brothers and sister who were so supportive and understanding of my missing out on spending weekends with them because, "I have class", or "I have an exam", or "I have a group meeting". My sister missed out on many dates because I was unable to take her to and fro



• My sisters in life and beyond, Kirsten and Althea. Though we are not connected by blood, we are connected by the memories that we share



• My partner, Donald who patiently sat through my online exams, my vetting of assignments, my anxiety over exams and results, and additional stresses and anxieties over financial deadlines. Donald knows more than anyone everything I went through in order to be here and he has been so supportive. A pillar of strength. He was understanding when I was unable to give of myself because I was mentally, physically and emotionally drained. At times, he put aside his own stresses, just so he could be emotionally and physically available for me. At times I heard of his issues long after the fact, because he kept them to himself, unwilling to perturb me while I had exams on my mind



• Other friends like Sandra Cooper, who was always there for me - always available, with a listening ear, words of wisdom and words of comfort



• I give thanks for everyone else who are connected to me, but were not mentioned here. They will always have my love and respect for being with me in spirit and thought.

And so today, as I collect my Degree, I will celebrate everyone in my life. I will celebrate their love for and support of me. Because without them, and God's blessing and grace, I would not be here.

With all my love,

Camille.

Unfinished Chapters

The beauty of the phenomenon that is Facebook. Through Facebook, I was recently contacted by a friend who I lost connection with many, many years ago. Since then, we have spent hours catching up on each other’s lives.

The issue is that, our friendship seemed to end very suddenly and unexpectedly then. Not because of drama – no clothes on the front lawn, no threatening texts or voice messages, no stalking. We simply lost touch.

And now here we are, back in each other’s lives – miraculously, as if it was destined to be so. Now. Not 5 years ago, and not 5 years later. Now.

We manage our emotions, respecting each other and respecting each other’s positions. We are both undeniably ecstatic to be in touch once again – fearing that if we don’t speak at least once a day, we may lose contact again.

There is a lot to say, but do we both really want to finish this chapter? Do we absolutely have to?


What we are certain of is that we will remain what we have always been, and what we always will be, even whilst out of touch – friends who love and respect each other, friends who will be truthful to one another and friends who are unconditionally loyal and supportive to each other.

The chapter may continue, but unlike a novel, this chapter will never end.

The Passing of Dawn

I have only just now gathered up the emotional strength to write this blog.

Dawn, whom I referred to in a previous post (http://camillespaulding.blogspot.com/2009/01/dawn-hot-like-peppa.html) passed away in late November.

As mentioned, I met Dawn in January of this year and was instantly struck by her positive aura and her love for herself and for life. I was momentarily crippled with shock and grief when her passing was revealed to me, and though I have not known her for very long, her passing has touched me in a profound way. I refused to really come to terms with it before, but I recognise that in order to heal, I must face the fact head-on.

And so today I celebrate Dawn's extraordinary life. A life she lived to the fullest. A life she lived on her terms. A life that touched so many others in very positive and beautiful ways. A life gone too soon...

DBJ

My hubby and I always crack up whenever we hear ‘DBJ’. Hardly a moment goes by when we hear on the news, “Development Bank of Jamaica (DBJ)”, and we don’t both keel over in stitches.

What is the story behind DBJ? What exactly is DBJ? Unfortunately, I can’t reveal. That’s our little secret. But I can attest that in times of tension, the letters DBJ, when combined in that particular order, always seem to melt us.

As a couple, we have many moments of laughter, moments of tension, moments where we look towards the future with anticipation and at the same time, moments of disbelief that the one we love so much can tick us off so greatly. (We both are guilty of being royal pains in the others’ rear end).

But to ease the tension, we look forward to the next moment we will hear something like, “I’m passing the stoplight by DBJ”, or “On the news tonight, Development Bank of Jamaica, DBJ…").

What makes you and your other half crack up? What is your DBJ?

Be Still...

I can hardly find the words to describe my feelings right now. Relief. Accomplishment. Thankfulness. Those are just a few of the emotions I’ve felt since 10:00am today. “What happened at 10:00am?” you ask? I managed to clear two of my debts that have been outstanding for over a year. Immediately upon leaving the bank, I felt relieved. I felt slightly taller. And despite having very little left to tide me over until next payday thirty days away, I felt good. Independent even. I am now just about 46 rungs below debt-free. I still have a way to go, but I’m still climbing.

It is so freeing when you have rid yourself of some form of baggage, whether it be emotional, financial or other. You are able to sleep better, you are able to think clearer, you are able to plan better, and generally speaking, you are just better.

When you are in debt, your debt will seem huge, almost insurmountable. But you’ll manage to get out of the rut. “How?” you may ask? I did it. By simply repeating and believing my daily mantra, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. But in all thy ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path.”

It wasn’t easy. There were lots of scrimping, saving, and doing without. There were days when I really needed that Devon House ice-cream cone to take my worries away, and had to do without. But I trusted that one day, I would get over the hurdle. At times when it all seemed too unbearable, in the stillness, I heard a gentle whisper, “Be still and know that I am God”. Psalm 46:10.

So while you face this economic turmoil, take a moment. To be still. And to know… that He is God. You will make it out of the rut too.

Stop, Breathe and Relax

The past few months have been extremely difficult for me. Pursuing 2 modules of a Master’s Programme simultaneously, while working and juggling the needs and desires of self, family and friends has taken a serious toll on me mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. So much so, that with three modules left before completing the MBA, I have found myself resolving to put off doing those three modules until next year this time, foregoing graduating with dear friends, foregoing the celebration that would no doubt come upon completion of an intense 19 month course.

Two evenings ago, after a stressful day, I sat in my car and had a good cry. I felt like I was a pot reaching my boiling point – so much to do, so much to accomplish in such little time, so much to understand, so much to deliver. So much.

This morning, I experienced those same feelings again. So much to do, so much to deliver, such little time.

In a frantic state, I e-mailed my lecturer, requesting his telephone number so I could speak with him. He e-mailed me back offering to call me. As I responded to him in another e-mail, I started to express how I was feeling, and as I typed, it occurred to me that I was feeling better by the minute.

I revisited what happened from when I started to type my response to him, to when I started to feel better. The first thing I did was take a break from the research I was conducting and e-mailed him. I stopped.

I stopped feeding the task at hand with frantic energy.

Before responding to him, I took a deep breath and then exhaled. I breathed. An in that breath, in that moment, I relaxed. Then I began my response to him.

Though it has been one hour since I relaxed, I still feel the need to take a complete break from this Programme. Sunday will mark the last day of the current module and I am seriously contemplating deferring until next year November – for my piece of mind, for my sanity, for my health, for me.

When Messages Reach The Unintended Recipient

A funny thing happened last evening. It was Saturday night and my study group met to finalise a presentation we were to make in class the following day. One group member was out sick, so four of us met to tackle the assignment at hand.

At around 6:30pm, I got a call from my hairstylist informing me that she was now ready to see me. After the phone call, I announced to the group that I had to leave as I would be out of town next week, and wanted my hair to be manageable, Without my visit to my stylist on that night, I could just forget about manageability of my hair.

After getting home at 9:00pm that night, I opened my e-mail to the following unedited mail:-

“another JOKE....camille says she has to leave to go to the hair dresser cuz she has to go out ofd town on monday. im dying...this is totally hialriuos....I just announced im not speaking tomorrow..so they better sort them self out ..... I will keep u posted. Nik is doing such a good job at managing us....she adorable.

Nik says she will start off the discussions...... and dodge and cam need to be there to speak also....

this is so funnyyyyy....them wont even say mek them go home and take the presentation and study it......

ms camille goin hair dresser ..so she cool “

It seems that one of my group members tried to send this e-mail to the group member that was absent, giving her blow-by-blow commentary on what was taking place in the meeting.

I must admit I was livid upon reading it, and I immediately fired off the following e-mail to the original sender:-

“(name of individual),

This was probably sent to me in error.

Camille”

I went to bed with an upset spirit. My thought was, “if she had a problem with me going to the hairstylist, why not say so to me last night? Why be so ‘underhanded’ and ‘gossipy?

I felt angry beyond words. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind!

I woke up this morning with the same feeling. I went to class and saw her face, and became increasingly angry. I later checked my e-mail and saw where her latest response to me was, “Maybe, maybe not”.

I laughed, and in that moment, I recognised that my response (laughter) was a conscious choice that I made. I refused to allow her to further get my goat. I had a wonderful day, leaving that person in her space, and I revelled in mine.

At times, things get to you so much that you are blinded by rage. Choose today to laugh instead of taking ‘it’ on. Never allow anyone (particularly those not worth it), to get you angry. Thanks to my friend Marguerite, I am now spending the remainder of my week ... Free and Laughing.