Insights by Camille

Move Forward in Faith

2011-05-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

My heart bled for a friend last night, after she shared another piece of her trying journey. Her patience and her sanity is being stretched to the limit - so much so that in order to cope, she has to convince herself that something is wrong with her, despite the obvious signs that nothing is wrong with her.

To her I say, you are perfection. You were made in the likeness and image of God - physically, spiritually and emotionally. And though you may not realise it, you are perfect in every way and your way will be made clear as you move forward in faith.

You re not being punished my love. Contrary to popular belief, our God is not a vengeful God towards his children. He is a God of love, compassion and understanding. This is not punishment. It may just be a test of your faith in Him.

At certain points in your life you will feel alone and lost. At times you may even question your purpose. Find peace in remembering that your way will be made clear. You may not know what will happen in a week, a month or even a year but know that you are being guided step by step and you are never alone. Open your heart and mind to clarity and confidence and thank God for the inner wisdom that moves your life forward in divine order, divine purpose and divine timing.

Letting Go Of Unhealthy Friendships

2010-10-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

Strong, healthy friendship enriches your life. It doesn't make you suffer or overburden you. While it's important to treasure your good friends - to make time for them, listen, laugh and cry together - it's just as important to know when it's time to let certain friendships go.

Sometimes, we stay in friendships long past their expiration dates. Today, I was faced with the question of whether a ‘friend’ was really worth my time or investment. To get to the answer, I had to ask myself, “Does this person…:-

· Consistently hurt my feelings?
· Waste my time by not calling when they said they would?
· Offer friendship only at their convenience?
· Express little interest in what’s going on in my life?

After answering these and a host of other questions, I realised it is time to end the relationship. I listened and paid attention to all the things this person didn’t say. This person’s behaviour tells me that the relationship is unsalvageable and it is time to leave the friendship behind.

It isn’t an easy decision to make. In fact, one of the toughest things to do is to close the door on a friendship. But everyone has value and everyone who gives their gift of friendship to another individual deserves to get the same respect in return. If one person is doing all of the giving and the other doing all of the taking, there is no friendship.

Closing the door means no more contact, no more phone calls, and no more thinking about the person. I no longer care about their welfare. I know that I will never see or speak to this person again and whatever friendship I once had will remain only in the past. As time goes by it will become a distant memory until it ceases altogether. It’s like a funeral – I am saying goodbye forever to someone I once cared for. It's really tough. But as much as we hate to bury our loved ones, we know that the funeral is necessary. It is essential for us to say goodbye and begin our own healing process. Most people cry at funerals and for good reasons. They are saying goodbye to a part of their past. They do not grieve for the one who is dead, but for themselves. For all the things left unsaid. For all the promises not kept. And because they will miss them so very much. Hanging on to a friendship that is one sided and hurtful is like hanging onto a corpse. At the very least, it's unhealthy. At a certain point, you have to be able to let go and realize that the friendship is over for good and the door must be shut.

It takes courage to shut the door on a friendship, but it is also a liberating experience. I no longer have the burden of dealing with a friendship that is not there and I no longer have to worry about getting my hopes dashed. It hurts, but it’ll hurt only for a while. Only for a while.

All Is Going According To Plan

2010-08-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

"All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should."

This message which I received today is very powerful. It takes me back to centre. It reconnects me with myself. It reconnects me with God.

Over the past few months, my life has been uprooted by emotional and physical turmoil. It was very difficult living in that ‘present’, but I did it. I had to. I had no choice but to acknowledge the changes that God felt was right for me, accept them, and believe that my life was unfolding as it should.

Today, a new challenge was thrown my way – hit me from left field – out of the blue. As I consider the situation, not making any plans for my ‘next move’, I trust that again, all is unfolding as it should. It gets difficult as you deal with everything life has to offer – relationships, events, everything. But the way I see it, all is going according to plan. There is a bigger picture. Life is unfolding as it should.

For My Sisters

2010-08-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

Three friends of mine are going through difficult periods in their lives. Each situation defers from the other, but the one constant throughout, is a sense of near defeat. Near surrender. I hear the sighs of frustration and the tone of worry. Over the past few days have been consumed with praying for each one and praying for the right outcome in their situations Today I send them positive energy and say to them:-

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petition and praises shape your worries, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good will come and settle you down.

It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life. I know. I am living testament.

Tomorrow

2010-07-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be a beautiful new day filled with amazing opportunities. When I go to sleep tonight my body, my mind, and my soul will be rejuvenated so when I awake tomorrow, I will be refreshed and open to enjoying all of the amazing adventures that await me.

This is my nightly affirmation.

Today was a rough day, but I look forward to tomorrow. I look forward to all the wonderful conversations, all the enlightening interactions, all the amazing experiences.

Today's conversations and experiences happened for a purpose. But as I head home I will be free from it.

I am at peace with this day.

I choose to release this day. And do nothing but eagerly look forward to the joys that tomorrow will bring.

Fake It 'Til You Make It

2010-07-22T13:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes your mind can be a hard thing to change once it’s already been set on one particular scenario. But there is a trick that has been utilized (with success) for quite some time called ‘fake it ’til you make it’.

In order to ‘fake it’, you need to continue reminding yourself that something other than what your mind believes will happen can happen.

For instance, if you believe that you are destined to live a life of misery and pain, you are destined to live a life of misery and pain. However, each time your mind wants to tell you that you’re destined to live a life of misery and pain, tell yourself that you are destined for greatness. You are destined to live a fulfilling and complete life. You are destined to experience joy in every facet of your life.

Tell yourself that happiness is your birthright.

Fake it, 'til you make it!

All Is Well. Always.

2010-07-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks, a new perspective has been revealed.

At some point, worry had ensued, and at times, panic. But after taking a few deep breaths and a gentle reminder that all is well, the problems are resolving themselves.

So, when you’re faced with something that seems troubling or as if a problem doesn’t have a solution, gently remind yourself that all is well. Always.

So affirm today, and whilst you are in the midst of a storm that in very situation, all is well. Always.

Emotional Detachment

2010-07-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

After recently finding myself in a space of emotional detachment, I was moved today to really consider the effects of this state. What are the positive aspects of being emotionally detached from a person or a situation? What are the negative aspects, if any?

Emotional detachment refers to the act of disengaging from a dependent relationship with a person, thing or event. It is developing and maintaining a safe, emotional distance or boundary from someone or something that you had previously given a lot of power to affect you. It is a state of "checking out" emotionally.

In this state, you are no longer affected by the outcomes of the actions or decisions of another. You release it. You are totally unaffected.

Does this mean that you don't care? Of course not. It simply means that you care more about your healthy survival than an unhealthy existence.

Will you ever regain that emotional connection? Possibly. Only time will tell.

But until you get that answer, reconnect with yourself. Be emotionally available to yourself. Love yourself. Appreciate who you are. Be concerned about no one but you. Be present and acknowledge the beauty and perfection of you.

Live today for no one but you.

Love...And Fear?

2010-06-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been in love? Selflessly, wholeheartedly and unconditionally in love? Have you experienced a time when you feel so much a part of someone that you feel like they are a second layer of skin? Have you felt like you've met your soul mate? Have you ever felt raw, pure, undiluted love?

I woke up this morning, frantic. Full of hope, yet full of fear. Excited, yet afraid. Strong, yet weak. I woke up this morning realising that I am in love.

It is such a strange feeling. You love, but at the same time, you feel vulnerable - afraid to openly commit, afraid to love, afraid of what may be, or afraid of what may not be. You want to step out on that ledge, but fear grips you. What if the ledge gives way from beneath you? What if you fall so many feet to the ground that you are hurt? So hurt you may never walk again? So hurt, you never love again?

I spent some time this morning frantically calling my two closest friends, wanting some reassurance that I am not going crazy. Wanting some reassurance that they will not have me committed. Wanting some reassurance that what I am feeling is real - and normal.

I was struck when one of them said to me, "Camille, enjoy the feeling".

And in that moment, I realised that instead of focusing on how alive I had been feeling all morning, I spent my entire morning worrying and living in fear of what I was feeling. Why is it so hard to just enjoy what God has given you? Why is it so difficult to accept freely what the universe has provided or given? Why must we feel that we are not worthy of feeling alive with joy, hope, love and anticipation?

I think that's what it boils down to - we think that we are not worthy of feeling the very intense emotions we feel. An emotion so intense as love. And so we resist it and sub-consciously find ways to mess it up. We over-analyse our feelings and make incorrect interpretations and judgments.

So the question is, can we really fear love? Is it truly love if we live in fear? As I type, I am closer to understand that love and fear are two completely different emotions. On love's side there is joy, peacefulness, happiness, forgiveness, and a host of others. On the other hand, fear reflects hate, depression, guilt, inadequacy, discontentment, prejudice, anger, attack, and so on. These two emotions are incapable of co-existing. Where there is one, the other cannot be also.

One will leave immediately, should the other enter its presence. When I am experiencing great joy, and am suddenly overtaken by fear, the joy is gone. And if I am terrorized, frightened, or otherwise threatened in any way, I just need to turn to the love within, and the fear disappears.

Learning to make the active choice to love and not fear in every situation is the way to find inner peace. And learning to accept God's gifts and grace is another way of finding inner peace.

I declare today that I will relinquish the fear - the fear of being hurt, the fear of being vulnerable, the fear of disappointment and the fear of falling. Today I declare that from now on I will do one thing...One thing only...

Today, I will simply "enjoy it".

Love and Cherish People and Moments

2010-05-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

Take a moment to imagine the situation I am about to describe. It may be graphic, but please indulge me.

Imagine that you came face-to-face with a killer. One who is pointing a gun at you. You, too are armed, and in that situation, it's "kill, or be killed". The face(s) of your child(ren) if you have any flash before your eyes. The faces of your loved ones flash before your eyes. What do you do? Do you pull that trigger?

This "imagined" scenario brings forth, a psychological stress that I have never felt before. One that I would never like to experience. And so I can only imagine what our soldiers and policemen are currently feeling. I can only imagine what a friend of mine is going through right now.

While I do not profess to know about the intricacies or psychological and physiological effects of of combat on persons who have to go in combat occassionally, I do know that when a situation such as the one described above hits so close to home, it puts you in a different place.

You now cherish the moments you are with, or speak with people. You try your very best to avoid confrontations or arguments with people. You manage your time and your effort. Instead of allowing external events and pressures control you, you make deliberate choices about the use of your time and your energy.

I am reminded of a quote by Ninon de Lenclos, "Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it."

So today I make a conscious decision to love. Love with wanton abandon. Cherish. Cherish people as if my life depended on it.

Today I forget all labels. Today, I simply love.

Consciousness

2010-05-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

My friend who is a member of the Jamaica Constabulary Force found himself in a state of near depression. He has gone through every emotion known to man over the past few weeks. Anger. Frustration. Hopefulness. Disappointment.

Today he is numb. Numb because over a two week period, he has seen 7 dead bodies. Numb because witnesses to murders refuse to come forward. Numb because of the generalisation he faces as a member of the police force. Numb because of the tears he has seen and the wails he has heard from relatives of victims whose lives have been senselessly cut short. Numb because his life (and the future of his son) has been threatened by refuted gang leaders.

I go to work everyday, and my frustration comes from unanswered e-mails - not from viewing or identifying dead bodies. My fear comes from the supposition that an earthquake will strike and I will be trapped in my office for hours, or even days. His fear (if he has any) is possibly that he is targetted because of the uniform he is required to wear. He goes to work each day, vowing to serve and protect people like me and you. How different are our worlds.

I felt his pain today.

As a people, we are devoid of consciousness. Someone put it best a few years ago. We are asleep. So deep in sleep, that we lack love, respect and compassion for our fellow humans. So deep in sleep that we turn a blind eye to the needs and cries of others. We live our lives in fear, rather than how it was intended that we live it. With pure joy. With wanton abandon. Filled with love for each other. Fearless. Remember when you were around 3 years old? You had no fears. You played and laughed all day. You hugged your parents and other members of your family. Why can't we live that way today?

We are all interconnected and so we are affected by the actions of others. My friend loves his job and his counry and cries out for a change. He yearns for the day, month and year, that that we will no longer be plagued by senseless killings.

I listened to his pleas this morning, and it hurt to know that there was nothing I could do or say to ease the pain. There were no promises I could make that could guarantee a brighter tomorrow.

All we can do is pray that it gets better. Channel our energies on positives (even in the midst of despair) and awaken our inner peace. So as we become aware of our thoughts as they arise and pass through our minds, we must not let them sweep us away. We must just remain focused and uninvolved with them. Let Christ-like actions and thoughts reign supreme and take ourselves away from negativity. We must be the light that we want the world to follow.

Graduation Day

2010-04-11T06:44:00.000-07:00

Today is Graduation Day.

A day that my hard work and perseverance (or stick-to-it-iveness) is recognized. A day I am officially recognized as Camille O. Spaulding, MBA.

As I mentioned in previous posts, it was a long and challenging journey. A journey filled with ups and downs. Downs included the loss of a job and subsequent closure of Growth Facilitators where I previously worked. Ups included the birth of my niece and joining a great company, having a wonderful boss, so full of integrity, and an awesome team.

Today is not just Graduation Day. It is also a day that I celebrate and humbly acknowledge the people who contributed so significantly to where I am today and who played a great part in how I actually got here:-

Marguerite Orane and Robert Wynter, Partners of Growth Facilitators, and the rest of the GF team - Ulla, Sharon, Carole, Elaine and Mr. Smith who were there when this journey began. Sadly, GF is no longer in existence, but each of these people hold a very special place in my heart

My mom, dad and brothers and sister who were so supportive and understanding of my missing out on spending weekends with them because, "I have class", or "I have an exam", or "I have a group meeting". My sister missed out on many dates because I was unable to take her to and fro

My sisters in life and beyond, Kirsten and Althea. Though we are not connected by blood, we are connected by the memories that we share

My partner, Donald who patiently sat through my online exams, my vetting of assignments, my anxiety over exams and results, and additional stresses and anxieties over financial deadlines. Donald knows more than anyone everything I went through in order to be here and he has been so supportive. A pillar of strength. He was understanding when I was unable to give of myself because I was mentally, physically and emotionally drained. At times, he put aside his own stresses, just so he could be emotionally and physically available for me. At times I heard of his issues long after the fact, because he kept them to himself, unwilling to perturb me while I had exams on my mind

Other friends like Sandra Cooper, who was always there for me - always available, with a listening ear, words of wisdom and words of comfort

I give thanks for everyone else who are connected to me, but were not mentioned here. They will always have my love and respect for being with me in spirit and thought.

And so today, as I collect my Degree, I will celebrate everyone in my life. I will celebrate their love for and support of me. Because without them, and God's blessing and grace, I would not be here.

With all my love,

Camille.

Unfinished Chapters

2010-03-31T14:43:00.000-07:00

The beauty of the phenomenon that is Facebook. Through Facebook, I was recently contacted by a friend who I lost connection with many, many years ago. Since then, we have spent hours catching up on each other’s lives.

The issue is that, our friendship seemed to end very suddenly and unexpectedly then. Not because of drama – no clothes on the front lawn, no threatening texts or voice messages, no stalking. We simply lost touch.

And now here we are, back in each other’s lives – miraculously, as if it was destined to be so. Now. Not 5 years ago, and not 5 years later. Now.

We manage our emotions, respecting each other and respecting each other’s positions. We are both undeniably ecstatic to be in touch once again – fearing that if we don’t speak at least once a day, we may lose contact again.

There is a lot to say, but do we both really want to finish this chapter? Do we absolutely have to?

What we are certain of is that we will remain what we have always been, and what we always will be, even whilst out of touch – friends who love and respect each other, friends who will be truthful to one another and friends who are unconditionally loyal and supportive to each other.

The chapter may continue, but unlike a novel, this chapter will never end.

The Passing of Dawn

2009-12-23T06:54:00.000-08:00

I have only just now gathered up the emotional strength to write this blog.

Dawn, whom I referred to in a previous post (http://camillespaulding.blogspot.com/2009/01/dawn-hot-like-peppa.html) passed away in late November.

As mentioned, I met Dawn in January of this year and was instantly struck by her positive aura and her love for herself and for life. I was momentarily crippled with shock and grief when her passing was revealed to me, and though I have not known her for very long, her passing has touched me in a profound way. I refused to really come to terms with it before, but I recognise that in order to heal, I must face the fact head-on.

And so today I celebrate Dawn's extraordinary life. A life she lived to the fullest. A life she lived on her terms. A life that touched so many others in very positive and beautiful ways. A life gone too soon...

DBJ

2009-10-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

My hubby and I always crack up whenever we hear ‘DBJ’. Hardly a moment goes by when we hear on the news, “Development Bank of Jamaica (DBJ)”, and we don’t both keel over in stitches.

What is the story behind DBJ? What exactly is DBJ? Unfortunately, I can’t reveal. That’s our little secret. But I can attest that in times of tension, the letters DBJ, when combined in that particular order, always seem to melt us.

As a couple, we have many moments of laughter, moments of tension, moments where we look towards the future with anticipation and at the same time, moments of disbelief that the one we love so much can tick us off so greatly. (We both are guilty of being royal pains in the others’ rear end).

But to ease the tension, we look forward to the next moment we will hear something like, “I’m passing the stoplight by DBJ”, or “On the news tonight, Development Bank of Jamaica, DBJ…").

What makes you and your other half crack up? What is your DBJ?

Be Still...

2009-10-26T12:38:00.000-07:00

I can hardly find the words to describe my feelings right now. Relief. Accomplishment. Thankfulness. Those are just a few of the emotions I’ve felt since 10:00am today. “What happened at 10:00am?” you ask? I managed to clear two of my debts that have been outstanding for over a year. Immediately upon leaving the bank, I felt relieved. I felt slightly taller. And despite having very little left to tide me over until next payday thirty days away, I felt good. Independent even. I am now just about 46 rungs below debt-free. I still have a way to go, but I’m still climbing.

It is so freeing when you have rid yourself of some form of baggage, whether it be emotional, financial or other. You are able to sleep better, you are able to think clearer, you are able to plan better, and generally speaking, you are just better.

When you are in debt, your debt will seem huge, almost insurmountable. But you’ll manage to get out of the rut. “How?” you may ask? I did it. By simply repeating and believing my daily mantra, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. But in all thy ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path.”

It wasn’t easy. There were lots of scrimping, saving, and doing without. There were days when I really needed that Devon House ice-cream cone to take my worries away, and had to do without. But I trusted that one day, I would get over the hurdle. At times when it all seemed too unbearable, in the stillness, I heard a gentle whisper, “Be still and know that I am God”. Psalm 46:10.

So while you face this economic turmoil, take a moment. To be still. And to know… that He is God. You will make it out of the rut too.

Stop, Breathe and Relax

2009-10-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

The past few months have been extremely difficult for me. Pursuing 2 modules of a Master’s Programme simultaneously, while working and juggling the needs and desires of self, family and friends has taken a serious toll on me mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. So much so, that with three modules left before completing the MBA, I have found myself resolving to put off doing those three modules until next year this time, foregoing graduating with dear friends, foregoing the celebration that would no doubt come upon completion of an intense 19 month course.

Two evenings ago, after a stressful day, I sat in my car and had a good cry. I felt like I was a pot reaching my boiling point – so much to do, so much to accomplish in such little time, so much to understand, so much to deliver. So much.

This morning, I experienced those same feelings again. So much to do, so much to deliver, such little time.

In a frantic state, I e-mailed my lecturer, requesting his telephone number so I could speak with him. He e-mailed me back offering to call me. As I responded to him in another e-mail, I started to express how I was feeling, and as I typed, it occurred to me that I was feeling better by the minute.

I revisited what happened from when I started to type my response to him, to when I started to feel better. The first thing I did was take a break from the research I was conducting and e-mailed him. I stopped.

I stopped feeding the task at hand with frantic energy.

Before responding to him, I took a deep breath and then exhaled. I breathed. An in that breath, in that moment, I relaxed. Then I began my response to him.

Though it has been one hour since I relaxed, I still feel the need to take a complete break from this Programme. Sunday will mark the last day of the current module and I am seriously contemplating deferring until next year November – for my piece of mind, for my sanity, for my health, for me.

When Messages Reach The Unintended Recipient

2009-09-15T16:43:00.000-07:00

A funny thing happened last evening. It was Saturday night and my study group met to finalise a presentation we were to make in class the following day. One group member was out sick, so four of us met to tackle the assignment at hand.

At around 6:30pm, I got a call from my hairstylist informing me that she was now ready to see me. After the phone call, I announced to the group that I had to leave as I would be out of town next week, and wanted my hair to be manageable, Without my visit to my stylist on that night, I could just forget about manageability of my hair.

After getting home at 9:00pm that night, I opened my e-mail to the following unedited mail:-

“another JOKE....camille says she has to leave to go to the hair dresser cuz she has to go out ofd town on monday. im dying...this is totally hialriuos....I just announced im not speaking tomorrow..so they better sort them self out ..... I will keep u posted. Nik is doing such a good job at managing us....she adorable.

Nik says she will start off the discussions...... and dodge and cam need to be there to speak also....

this is so funnyyyyy....them wont even say mek them go home and take the presentation and study it......

ms camille goin hair dresser ..so she cool “

It seems that one of my group members tried to send this e-mail to the group member that was absent, giving her blow-by-blow commentary on what was taking place in the meeting.

I must admit I was livid upon reading it, and I immediately fired off the following e-mail to the original sender:-

“(name of individual),

This was probably sent to me in error.

Camille”

I went to bed with an upset spirit. My thought was, “if she had a problem with me going to the hairstylist, why not say so to me last night? Why be so ‘underhanded’ and ‘gossipy?

I felt angry beyond words. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind!

I woke up this morning with the same feeling. I went to class and saw her face, and became increasingly angry. I later checked my e-mail and saw where her latest response to me was, “Maybe, maybe not”.

I laughed, and in that moment, I recognised that my response (laughter) was a conscious choice that I made. I refused to allow her to further get my goat. I had a wonderful day, leaving that person in her space, and I revelled in mine.

At times, things get to you so much that you are blinded by rage. Choose today to laugh instead of taking ‘it’ on. Never allow anyone (particularly those not worth it), to get you angry. Thanks to my friend Marguerite, I am now spending the remainder of my week ... Free and Laughing.

Jamaican Pride

2009-08-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

As I watch the 9th staging of the IAAF games this year being held in Berlin, I beam with pride. Our Jamaican athletes are doing so well. Today, Jamaica holds the most medals – and we are poised to have at least 2 more added to the count.

I beamed with pride when Usain Bolt smashed his own record in both the 100m and 200m events. I beamed with pride when Melaine Walker won the gold in the 400m hurdles. I beamed with pride when Asafa Powell took the bronze medal in the 100m. I beamed with pride and cried along with Bridgitte Foster-Hylton when she won the gold medal in the 100m hurdles. I beamed with pride when Deloreen Ennis-London copped the bronze medal in the 100m hurdles. I beamed with pride when Shelly-Ann Fraser won the 100m and I beamed even brighter when Kerron Stewart won the silver medal in the same race. With all that said, I am outshining and out-beaming the sun.

It is a joy to watch as our flag is raised in the stadium in Berlin, and listen to our national anthem, “Jamaica, land we love”. It is a beauty to see the love and support the fans have for the Jamaican athletes. Everyone now wants a piece of Jamaica!

I continued to beam this morning when I logged on to msn and there listed as the most searched people, was our very own, Usain Bolt! What a joy! What pride I feel! I’ve used the word ‘pride’ eight times so far, because I can’t think of another word that would capture exactly how I feel.

As I revel in the excitement around me, and anticipate the running of the women’s 200m and the relays, I grin from ear to ear. My eyes light up. I stand taller. My shoulders are back. My chest is out. I’m bubbling inside. All because of my Jamaican pride.

Inauthenticity

2009-07-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

My Wednesday nights are mine. Mine alone. Mine for one reason. So You Think You Can Dance.

And last Wednesday, I was so blessed to have witnessed a Contemporary piece choreographed by Tyce Diorio and performed by top 6 finalists, Ade and Melissa.

This piece chronicles the life of a woman struggling with breast cancer. Though I have not gone on this journey with anyone, what I saw in the dance was Melissa and Ade separately dealing with the seven stages of grief:

1 - Shock & Denial
2 - Pain & Grief
3 - Anger & Barganing
4 - Depression, Rejection & Loneliness
5 - The Upward Turn
6 - Reconstruction & Working Through
7 - Acceptance & Hope

I have posted the link here and invite you to view this very moving piece:-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKxoCxalyWw&feature=related

During the execution of the piece, I found myself tearing up, but I held back, because of the presence of my boyfriend. He has often told me that he sees me as strength personified - through adversities, I have kept my composure and I have persevered through all obstacles. I feared that if he saw me crying, he would think less of me.

I happened to be at my dear friend Sandra's home on Thursday night, and we watched the elimination show together. We both discussed the effect the piece had on us, and I admitted that I held back my tears, because of my boyfriend's presence. Sandra, who is just as (if not more) emotional than me, had cried (bawled, as she put it), and after listening to how I handled the piece, simply asked, "But Camille, isn't that being inauthentic?" And she was right. I was being inauthentic on Wednesday night. I felt moved to tears but held back, because of the ego. It is so good to have friends who are in the same space as you are. Friends who are not afraid to coach you into seeing things and situations for what they are. Friends who are not afraid to point out that maybe, just maybe, you handled a situation from an unconscious place.

Today I had a discussion with my boyfriend about how I felt on Wednesday night, and admitted to him that I so wanted to cry. That I too, am human. I too am vulnerable. I too am imperfect. He was very supportive, admitting that he had not realised that the demeanour I had put on was a mask. He was fooled then, but now expressed his love for and support of me, by stating that crying isn't a sign of weakness and I should never feel that I can't cry in his presence if I wanted or needed to. I exhaled and looked at the piece again, and this time - I cried.

When one door closes...

2009-06-07T11:56:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine always says, “the only thing that remains constant is change”. Another friend of mine puts a different spin on it, affirming that “when one door closes, another will open”.

As humans, our nature is to resist change. Resist it at all costs. We see it daily in our workplaces, and we see it in our personal and social lives.

I have witnessed a number of changes in my own life over the past few months – changes that I have fought tooth and nail to resist. As recently as this week, I found myself in a state of depression over these changes – three days of seven, were spent in an almost comatose state, shutting out everybody and everything that matters to me, pondering, feeling anxiety, and sometimes, quite frankly, feeling sorry for myself. It was only until I was speaking with another friend of mine this morning, did I realise how needed change is.

While she and I are undergoing life changes simultaneously, the deeper nature of those changes differ. We coach each other through our situations, and we understand each other and each other’s wants and needs.

Being accustomed to a particular situation, we are now both surprised and dis-illusioned after discovering that this great change has occurred – seemingly overnight. Were we blind? Did we not see it coming? We ponder these and other questions, and as we do so, we tend to blame ourselves for not recognizing before-hand the things that didn’t ‘add up’ in this situation. We give our energy to this change that has already occurred, but we hadn’t seen coming, and wonder, “what happened?”

But we now need to focus our energies on embracing the current changes. We ought to recognise all the positives that will come with these changes and not dwell on the things we are losing because of the change.

This period is a new beginning. Only the chapter ends, not the book. We have the opportunity to expand our horizons and experience things we have never experienced before

We both are very blessed to have people who love us and care deeply for us in our lives, people who will always be there for us and we both are healthy, strong and vibrant women.

And so, today we acknowledge that there are no coincidences. Change can truly be a wonderful gift and we vow to embrace the changes we are faced with, with energy, passion and intensity.

Ten Guidelines from God

2009-03-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

My dear friend (and boss extraordinaire) Marguerite, sent me a beautiful e-mail today, which I wish to share. It's entitled, 'Ten Guidelines from God'.

Effective Immediately, please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. Please, follow these 10 guidelines

1. QUIT WORRYING:

Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:

Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME:

Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE:

Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME:

I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy.. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control.. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH:

I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE:

You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:

I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND:

Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF:

As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget......

I must admit that there are many times that I have worried, lost trust, lost faith and lost patience - as recently as last month. But this is a very strong reminder that when things seem out of control, quit worrying, put it on the list, trust Him, leave it alone, talk to Him, have faith, share, be patient, be kind, and love yourself.

Letting Go - the ultimate act of release

2009-02-18T14:31:00.000-08:00

One of the things I struggle with is the act of letting go. Most recently I held on to an issue I was faced with – held on for dear life, held on like there was no tomorrow, held on to it like it was the air I breathed, my bread and butter. After working myself up to a frenzy, this energy and effort ultimately manifested in physical illness.

While trying to nurse myself back to health, I realised that the more I held on to this issue, the more ill I became.

Letting go is the natural release which follows the realization that holding on is an energy drain - and quite frankly, it really hurts – physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Not only that, but dependent on the issue, it may lead you to a state where you view yourself as a victim.

I spent the latter part of my day activating the ‘feel better’ controls. No ladies - not chocolate or ice-cream. I had a good cry. Not what my mother would call “the cow bawling”, nor the kicking and screaming as I was known to do as a child when I wanted my own way. I simply took a moment of solitude and had a healthy cry.

And just like that…I released it.

"Anyway"

2009-02-17T12:25:00.000-08:00

At my Graduation Ceremony last month, our guest speaker (unfortunately her name escapes me right now), read a poem entitled “Anyway” by an unknown author.

The poem resonated with me and I'm sure with many people in the audience. There are various versions to this poem, but I have chosen this particular one, to share with you today, with the hopes that the poem will inspire you.

"Anyway "
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Love them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some genuine enemies; Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you; Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years building, could be destroyed overnight; Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous; Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow; Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world your best anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them... anyway.

Mature and Authentic Friendships

2009-02-05T09:43:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking lately about friendship and what makes it so powerful. Friendship is a unique bond, somewhat hard to describe in academic terms or even to contain with words, but in it we find peace, rest and comfort.

For me, a prerequisite for mature and authentic friendships is getting beyond our narcissism enough to value and respect people – respecting their right to make choices for themselves, even if those choices hurt us.

Another prerequisite is to accept your friends for who they are. I believe that when friendships last very long, it is because both the people involved change together in a compatible fashion. Sometimes this is not so, and you must just let things happen. Even if it means letting go of your friendship.

I offer my friendship with KP (of whom I spoke on this blog before) as an example. I met KP in 2004 by telephone. I was in the process of selecting a University at which to pursue my Bachelor’s Degree, and while investigating a particular University, I met KP who was in their employ at the time. For approximately eight months, we spoke by phone, and developed a bond that to this day, approximately 5 years later, I am unable to explain. I walked into my class on the first day of my BPM Programme, aware that KP would be in my cohort, but unable to identify her by face. Half an hour into the class, while making our introductions, a reserved, young lady with obvious emotional maturity stood and identified herself as “K.P”. Immediately on doing that, she glanced at me, smiled and nodded, acknowledging that “yes; this is the person with whom you have been speaking for almost a year”.

Our friendship has grown tremendously since then and we have once again found ourselves doing our MBA together. Actually, it was planned, but I digress…

The beauty of the friendship I share with KP, is this – we never impose feelings of guilt upon one another. We make no demands of each other. We are not obligated to each other, and we understand each other. We are unconditionally honest with each other, feeling free to say, “I think you could have handled that differently”. We trust one another. We respect one another. And we emotionally grow together. If we do not speak in two weeks, when we do speak, we spend the majority of the time catching up – not “Lawks! Ah so my fren’ dem treat mi?” We greet each other with genuine warmth. There are no accusations of one “using” the other because the time we usually spend speaking with each other has diminished. There is no dependence on this relationship for each of us to function.

KP and I understand that change is inevitable. We change with things, instead of trying to change things, and we value our friendship enough to make it work. This is a friendship I am committed to. A mature and authentic friendship and a friendship I will fight tooth and nail to preserve.

Solitude

2009-02-01T19:35:00.000-08:00

I am moved by a quote by Dr. Ester Buchholz; “Others inspire us, information feeds us, practice improves our performance, but we need quiet time to figure things out, to emerge with new discoveries, to unearth original answers.”

For me, there is something refreshing about solitude. It enables me to grow in many directions - in self-reliance, in enjoyment of life, and in dealing with life’s difficult situations. It is a way of delving deeper within myself and getting to know myself.

At least twice a year I give myself permission to unplug from the noise and distractions of the world and find time for solitude and silence. My phones are off (or on silent) and I literally retreat from the world and all within it. It is impossible to get a hold of me during this period.

I’ve spent a lot of time analysing the possible reasons why I feel the need to do this – to physically cut myself off from the world for a period of time (which usually ranges from two to four days).

Solitude helps me get over challenging times in my life. Taking the time to work through my feelings alone enables me to deal with my emotions, whether it be grief or otherwise. It gives me permission to validate my feelings without being judged by someone else. Only I know how I feel. So, solitude can help me get back on the right track.

Solitude to me is nurturing – like a refuge in a storm. Disappearing usually helps me, but many people do not understand this and prefer to label this act as ‘selfish’. But solitude feels like a sanctuary of safety, security and stability in an out of control world or situation.

Solitude is also centering – it is a place for getting grounded and it provides the objectivity I need to contend with the competing voices of this disorienting world.

Solitude is also listening. In a world where thousands of voices clamour for my attention, solitude enables me to hear the One that matters most. The voice that offers solace, soothing, peace and comfort.

And so, as Monday morning approaches, I will resurface to join the rest of the world. Content that I nurtured. Content that I centered. Content that I listened. Content with my two days of solitary confinefment. Content with my decisions. And content with being me.

When circumstances change (Part 1)

2009-01-15T09:18:00.000-08:00

What do you do when certain circumstances in your life have changed and your friends are not as supportive as you had hoped? What do you do when you are no longer able to give as much of your time to your friends as you previously did, and they feel that “now that she has…she no longer has time for anybody else”?

I was given a strong dose of reality when a friend of mine today told me frankly, that “it seems as though you have forgotten the people who were there for you when you needed a friend”.

After becoming present to my defenses going up, I paused for a minute and took a few deep breaths. I then heard these words flowing freely from my mouth:

“I have made a choice to divide my time as I choose, and I make no apologies for that. I will not feel guilty because I am happy right now and quite frankly, I deserve to be happy. It’s been a long time coming and I deserve it.”

So, in essence, if I choose to spend seven nights a week after work with a book, or with 'The Golden Girls' on Lifetime, or with Oprah, or with my hubby, instead of indulging 2 hours per week in a pity-party with a girlfriend, then that is my choice, and again, I make no apologies for making that choice.

I am the first to admit that the friends of whom I speak, were front and centre when I threw the very same pity-parties I wish to now avoid. But is it selfish to no longer wish to be the guest of honor at such parties? Quite frankly, I have been undergoing a transformation in the way I see life (now as an opportunity for greatness, rather than one big heaping of problem after problem) and in the way I exist and co-exist with others. But the essence of who I am has not changed. If a friend calls me and is in need, I will be there for that friend and offer the most strength that I can find to support that friend.

But what if the friend feels that she needs a pity-party to help her over her hurdle? What if she demands that? Do I make an exception and indulge? Do I neglect the loving and supportive existence I currently exist in, in order to save or spare that friendship desperately in need of a pity-party?

Over the next few days I will reflect on this situation.

I welcome your thoughts, insights and feedback.

It's my birthday (and I'll cry if I want to)

2009-01-15T04:36:00.000-08:00

Ladies, have you ever gone through a period when you become depressed because your age is about to “fall off the calendar”? Do you become defensive because you are adding one more year to your age? Do you wish to crawl back under the covers and pretend that you are not one year older? Do you vow to remain 25 for the rest of your life?

The song, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” made popular by Lesley Gore in 1963, quickly comes to mind. If I’m to sing, it may seem more appropriate to sing, “It’s my birthday, and I’ll cry if I want to”.

But there’ll be no tears here today, for the more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. And so I celebrate this amazing journey of life, I celebrate youth, I celebrate health, I celebrate family and I celebrate friendships. I celebrate the level of maturity that is apparent in me each year and I give thanks that through this blog, this growth can be an inspiration to others.

So, if you’re feeling blue on your birthday, remember birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most, live the longest. And if this statement isn’t strong enough for you, consider this – You’re not forty; you’re eighteen with twenty-two years of experience.

The Magic of Facebook

2009-01-14T09:50:00.000-08:00

My very dear friend Carole had been gently urging me to sign up on Facebook since October of last year and last month I reluctantly agreed, vowing never to get too immersed in the Facebook phenomena.

But today I grudgingly confess – I am hooked! I smile each time I get a friend request, and I am given an opportunity to reconnect with friends from high school, primary school, all over the world. It brings me such joy to see photos of my former schoolmates and their families (children, husbands and others). Through their smiles, I can see the joy they are currently living. How wonderful technology is when used with the respect that it is intended to be used.

For me, today is a celebration of friendships.

Here's to Facebook. Here's to friends.

Dawn - "Hot like peppa!"

2009-01-08T11:13:00.000-08:00

Today I met the most inspirational woman I have ever had the opportunity to interact with.

Meet Dawn - a fabulous, delightful, beautiful, energetic woman. All 400+ pounds of her. Dawn's spirit just lights up a room. Before meeting her, I had read about her weight management journey online, and as I entered her office, I was greeted by a huge smile and a warm "Hello!" While speaking with her, I felt so honoured to be in her company. I started to complain the day my weight went 1 pound over 140 pounds many years ago, and I haven't stopped complaining since.

"How awful!" I would lament as I stared in the mirror, turning left and right, hoping that I would see better images if I turned a little to the left or a little to the right. I hoped that if the sunlight hit me at the right angle when the planets were perfectly aligned, I would look like a 130 pound goddess. How vain!

Dawn explained how much she loves herself - her body, her mind, her essence. She is so in tune to who she is. Her presence and her aura touched me and I realised that a lot of us ought to take a page from Dawn's book. She makes no apologies for who she is, or how much she loves herself.

I almost keeled over laughing when Dawn described how she is dressed (or more accurately, not dressed) while at home in her own space - appreciating her nakedness, appreciating her beauty. Her affirmations in the morning are, "Girl yuh hot. Yuh hot like peppa!" ("Girl, you are hot. Hot like pepper").

Many persons struggle with self love and self acceptance. No matter who you are or what issues you are struggling with, resolve today that you will no longer underestimate the importance of self-acceptance, as it can end the emotional pain that you feel and will lead to the spiritual experience you want. You become whole; life becomes holistic. You experience oneness. And you no longer compulsively search for oneness in the external world. You love and accept yourself.

So I challenge you - right now - walk to your mirror, stare yourself in the face, and say, "Girl yuh hot. Yuh hot like peppa!"

Losing your cool

2009-01-07T13:19:00.000-08:00

I lost my cool today.

I was two minutes away from a knock down, fist down, smack down, drag out, stone-throwing, hair pulling brawl in the parking lot where my office is located. After giving a woman a great serving of a piece of my mind, I stormed back to my office. Upon seeing me seething, hyperventilating, ready to turn green, rip my clothes off and transform into the incredible hulk, my colleagues approached me with concern, fright and trepidation, wondering what had gone wrong since they last saw me two minutes ago.

Between gasps for air, I relayed my story twice (not once – twice), re-iterating that “that woman has a nerve!”

Then something happened that stopped me in my tracks. Marguerite burst out laughing! Her infectious laughter eventually got everyone (including me) laughing. Then it occurred to me – I choose how to react to ANY and EVERY situation that I am faced with. Today I chose an unconscious response – to let that woman have it! Quite frankly it would have been easier for me to laugh at the situation as it unfolded at the time. The effort that it took for me to get so worked up was overwhelming. I actually felt tired after I calmed down.

While I work on living consciously and in the moment, I acknowledge that I selected the wrong response today. I will not beat or chastise myself for my actions today. I just acknowledge that it happened and move on, for as I spend time chastising myself, I will miss a whole other experience that is likely to bring me joy and laughter in the present.

A New Year and (New) Resolutions

2009-01-02T06:43:00.000-08:00

A new year brings for most people, reflections on the past year and setting of new expectations or goals.

My New Year's Resolution? To continually explore, tap into and operate from my Higher Self. No doubt, connecting with the higher self takes practice, refinement, dedication, and discipline - all the pre-requisites to accomplishing any of the Resolutions that you may make.

Of course, I've made other resolutions that will definitely stretch me, but this year, for me, it is more than just making new resolutions. It's about really making a commitment and sticking to it, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health (I hope I got the order right - haven't taken those vows yet) all the days of 2009.

Second on the list - to commit to living a healthier life. Third, to continuously nurture my friendships and fourth - to make sound financial decisions. Bear in mind that to achieve your goals this year, you may falter once, twice or many times, but I urge you to dig deep and find the inner strength to get back on that horse, and try again.

I wish for you all the joy the year 2009 has to offer, and the stick-to-it-ivenss it takes to accomplish all your dreams and resolutions - new ones, and the 'brought forwards' from last year.

To forgive or not to forgive?

2008-12-26T08:13:00.000-08:00

I must admit that up to a year ago, I struggled with the act of forgiveness. There's no one definition of forgiveness, but in general, forgiveness is a conscious decision to release resentments and thoughts of revenge. It is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you or your loved one.

Persons may ask, "Doesn't forgiving someone mean you're forgetting or condoning what happened?" My simple response to this is - no. Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life.

Years ago when I struggled with the very thought of forgiving someone who caused me great pain, I attended an enlightenment programme, which caused me to focus on my issues, and give myself the greatest gift I could ever give - Forgiving myself. Once I did that and recognized that my fullest potential was being inhibited by the anger and resentment I felt towards this person, accepting him for who he was and forgiving him for what I felt was his inflicting unspeakable pain against me, gave me the most freeing feeling I have ever experienced.

And so, as a very close friend of mine now struggles with forgiveness, I was brought back to the time I denied myself of the love and peace that I so truly deserved. I had a coaching session with him this morning, and felt his pain. I said a silent word of prayer for him - trusting that he will be released of his anger. I continue to pray for him, with the hope that he will find the strength I know he has, to forgive the person who he feels caused him so much pain.

To him, I reiterate, that forgiveness does not come with conditions. It is an an unconditional act that frees up and puts to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.

It's Christmas!

2008-12-25T05:42:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning, to a beautiful day. The streets are calm, the sky is blue and the air is crisp. It's Christmas.

My day began. I changed my sheets and bathroom set (a ritual my mother and I always share), and watched an episode of my favourite comedy, "Golden Girls". I called my mother, making sure not to call too early, as she would normally spend the entire Christmas Eve cooking. I'm almost sure the beginning of Christmas Day met her in the kitchen. I spoke online to my best friend Kirsten, and then sat infront of my computer, ensuring that I send Christmas greetings to all who read my blog.

As I sit here, I think of my family and friends, and in particular, two friends who lost their mother earlier this year. I send them light and love, and wish for them all the joy the day brings.

Barely into 9:00am, I am eagerly looking forward to the remainder of the day - making breakfast with my hubby, and later, visiting my mother, father, brothers and sister.

What a peaceful feeling today brings. May the love, joy and peace of Christmas, be with you and yours today, and throughout the remainder of the year.

Women You Want To Be Around

2008-12-13T05:59:00.000-08:00

Last evening at my office's annual get together, we ate, laughed, teased, poked fun at each other, played games, and exchanged gifts. The ratio of women to men at that function was 3:1, but that didn't matter to any of us - we were all blessed to be in each other's company.

As the evening progressed, I looked around the room and observed the dynamics of the group. In that moment, I became present to the different qualities that each and everyone of these beautiful and strong women bring to table. I also immediately looked at the qualities my mother and my very close sisters bring to the table and realise that these women who I will always want to be around:-

1. see the strengths, and not the limitations in others. They make you proud to be yourself

2. trust you so fully that you feel compelled to meet their expectations. Consequently, they make you feel like a better person than you normally are

3. respect you for what you have done and where you have come from

4. are authentic and don't need you to lie to them to feed their egos

5. live by their rules but don't expect you to follow them

6. are at peace with themselves, so they don't have to prove anything to you

7. are good listeners and sincerely interested in you so you feel important. Because they are available for honest and genuine discussion, they make you want to share yourself.

To all the women who have made an impact in my life (you know who you are), this post is for you.

Camille.

Christmas 2008 Postponed?

2008-12-05T09:14:00.000-08:00

Last night, my dear friend (whom I affectionately call KP) and I were lamenting the state of the economy. I jokingly exclaimed, "My Christmas is postponed until December 2011! I was planning to come to your house to mooch off what you have there! And then rekindle other 'lost friendships' by showing up on their doorsteps and mooching off them too!" We had a hearty laugh at all the possibilities of how we would actually celebrate Christmas this year. We also shared our joy reminiscing on previous years, as the month of December would always greet us with Christmas lights, Christmas trees and various Christmas adornments and decorations.

As a child I always looked forward to Christmas - the aroma of baked ham floating from Mummy's kitchen, Christmas cake, drowned in raisins and rum, staying up late on Christmas Eve watching her prepare the sorrel, the chicken, the roast beef and everything else. Oh how I joyously reflect!

Today, five days into December, there are hardly any Christmas lights put up on people's balconies, porches or trees in their front yards (yet), and all around persons are sharing the same conversation KP and I shared last night.

This morning, I asked myself, "Will my Christmas REALLY be postponed?"

Despite a somewhat dry pocket and a dim outlook for Christmas (when compared to the shopping sprees that I usually go on), I affirm that my Christmas will NOT be postponed! Not this year, not EVER. God is my source, and the Universe is exact in its laws. Whatever you ask for or release into the Universe, it shall be given/provided in abundance. Everyone is feeling the economic pinch at this time, but as we look around at our family and our friends, we ought to revel in the love, encouragement and support that these people give us on a daily basis.

I, for one, am blessed to be surrounded by the people who I work with on a daily basis, my very good friends like KP who has always been a source of strength and inspiration for me, my family who supports my dreams and aspirations unconditionally and my hubby who is a rock to me and keeps me level-headed and grounded. These people are my Christmas. Money may be short, but it just might be possible that with these people in my life, I have experienced Christmas right throughout the entire year.

May the peace and joy of Christmas be with you and yours this holiday season.

Camille.

Engineers vs. The Rest of the World?

2008-11-29T17:39:00.000-08:00

I have been dating an Engineer for the past eight months. I had dated Bankers and Managers before, but never an Engineer. It's been great so far, but last week I had an eye-opening experience.

I am currently pursuing an MBA and while pouring over my Quantitative Analysis and Decision Making notes, my boyfriend kindly offered to help.

While explaining topics such as Exponential Smoothing, Weighted Average and Moving Average, I found myself getting a bit impatient as I was unable to comprehend and follow his explanations. During one of our tutoring sessions, we had to pause for one hour to 'thrash out' an issue we both had - I explained a problem the way I was able to comprehend it, and he was deciphering the same problem the way he was able to comprehend it. We had a very 'spirited' discussion (to say the least) for one hour, at the end of which, he said, "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying." You can imagine how peeved I was, that my tutoring session was interrupted for one hour (I'm not exaggerating here), only to realise that we were both saying the exact same thing!

I immediately called my mother and said, "Mummy, I realise why I am so averse to understanding mathematical computations. It's Daddy's fault!" My father is also an Engineer and I recalled how painstaking it was for me as a child to ask him to explain anything mathematical. He would always seem to go on a tangent (much like I experience when my current hubby is explaining something). Bless their hearts. I love them both so much.

Today, I had another such session with him - This time, I was the tutor, teaching him Supply Chain Management and taking him through a Vertically Integrated problem. He was a joy to teach. He's just a pain to learn from. We took a break from studying and he explained to me that he tried to explain the same problem we were 'thrashing out' to the Engineers in his Department and lo and behold, they all got it!

This got me thinking...Is the way we learn, based on our profession or our gender? I teasingly told him that all Engineers seem to think alike and they are all wired differently from everyone else. He jokingly responded, "No. It's just that Engineers can think".

I lovingly smiled at him and decided that I would not pursue this 'argument' any further. I let him think he won this one - but I'm sure it will come up again.

Camille.